REJECTION

2020

This year is surprisingly hard for all people all around the world. 

Covid19 Pandemic. 

All people are hurting with the "separation" in many ways. Many relatives have passed away and left us alone. 

Economic being messed up for all parts. 

In that every moment, I just get lucky, that I am not suffering like others did. 

I already knew separation for 5 years starting in 2013. and I passed that test. 

But, I got new friends to call "Rejection" In my 26 years of life, I have never got a real rejection that hurt me a lot like 2020 and 2021 gave to me. 

My first rejection is when I am in junior high school. I want to go to one of the best schools. But I am not that smart, back then. So, when I got rejection. It's not really hurt me.

I got smoothly entered the best of senior high school in my area. I got smoothly entered college, even is not my first choice, but I got to go to college. With no suffering like my friends did. 

In my first work experience, I got a job before I graduated. I have just finished my final exam and waiting for the graduation ceremony. But I already got a job. Lucky me!!

Because of that smooth way, I always have doubt in myself. Am I really worth it? Or is it just only luck?

I am always questioning, why my life always going smoothly. Then I have introduced to 2020. My first ever rejection hurt me a lot. Scholarship rejection. 

I have a good connection. I believe in myself. I believe that I do my best. 

The result is I got rejected from that scholarship. 

It turns me doubting myself more than I am 25 years ago. 

Then I heal myself and work like normal people do again. I will try again next year. 

Then 2021 came, I got a good opportunity and the best timing that I have ever thought. 

I got an offer to be a permanent employee in one of the most growth companies now. 

I have believed in myself. I knew that I am the best person to match this work. 

Even I got a higher connection ever. 

But, what I got? Rejection.

This is the second rejection that hurt me a lot. 

Because everyone believes in me. But I didn't get all my own. 

I make mistake. But it turns back that is not my way. Is not my destiny.

I need to learn to accept rejection, in the worst way. 

I should learn to take control of the emotion and to not please everyone, to not expect everyone, anything. 

I heal myself by hypnotizing myself. And said it aloud that I got rejection. 

It helps me better to do my normal life again. I need to be strong. I need to learn to minimize that kind of mistake. 

I will be my better me in the next year.

2022, me and my best version of me.